Write It Down

This is as good as it gets! Is it how I had planned things? Not really. I’ve always been an optimistic person. I was always thinking that something better was just around the corner. Well, here’s the thing. There is very little around the corner except a lot more of the same. Those of you that read my ramblings will know that I spent 3 days last week in hospital receiving intravenous immunoglobulin treatment. It’s a ridiculously expensive treatment and I was uncertain how it would pan out. The next 5 days were a write-off. I had the brain ache of all brain aches that came with a side order of fog and dizziness which in-turn paved the way for bell ringing tinnitus that has only just subsided. However, today I feel almost human again. Human! 
I was able to get out of bed without being prompted. I took my daughter to school. I have spent a good couple of hours having coffee with a pal who is going through a similar ordeal to me. I was able to listen to him and take it all in as well as offer the odd nugget of insight. If I was asked on Monday how I felt I would have told you that I felt no different, in fact I probably felt worse than before the treatment. So I will use the next 6 weeks in the run up to my 2nd round of treatment monitoring how I feel and understanding if there is a point where the therapy stops working. If it carries on in this direction there will come a point when I can plan around my condition and brain injury and try get back to a level of almost normality. 
In my last blog I spoke about acceptance, being in a position to accept that when you go through something like encephalitis or any condition that ultimately alters your ability to carry out simple day to day activities there is a great need to accept what is happening in your life. There is a strong chance that things won’t get back to how they once were. Through no fault of your own you are dealt a hand of cards that could ultimately see you lose your shirt. But all is not lost. No matter what is getting in the way and no matter how shitty things get, the world will still continue to revolve and evolve. If you can make small steps to accept that this is you and try to be content with what you have and what you have achieved then you might just be ok in the long run. If you find things getting a bit much and you need help then know that it is available. I know only to well that when you bottle stuff up from your loved ones then it can easily spiral out of control. A great strategy is to write down on paper whatever is troubling you. This is perfect for clearing your mind which in turn will leave you feeling a little calmer. Also seeing it in front of you in words will often help you deal with it. Plus it allows those around you to see what you’re going through and offer help. Try it. X

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