Brain Drain

Most days I will leave the house with a list of things that I either need to do or need to get. Quite often I will return home having forgotten about the list all together. At first this was hugely frustrating and still bugs me. I have learnt that whilst it can be very annoying for everyone else in my life, there is always tomorrow and if there is anything urgent on the list I can always go back and get it when I do remember the list.

I’ve tried many times to work out where it all goes wrong. The best I can come up with is the moment I put the list in my pocket or when I put my iPhone in my jacket and concentrate all my effort and energy on leaving the house. That’s when it all goes bang. It’s quite amusing now, for me anyway. I simply don’t have the capacity to remember stuff that sadly I consider unnecessary. There are also huge chunks of my past that I have no recollection of.

As an example I recently met up with a childhood friend who I had not seen for 30 years. For the first 10 years of our lives we were inseparable. We spent a wonderful evening over beer talking stuff over. What was evident was whilst I knew of all the people we were talking about, I couldn’t remember the situations or context. The exiting thing about it was he had collected many photos from the time and promised he would show me some to help jog my memory. It was funny seeing me as a child. Carefree smiles brought a tear to my eye. These were quite clearly very happy times. Again I knew everybody in the pictures. The pictures triggered happy memories but not of the actual events or situations. I’m not sad about this as at least I have some memory.

Before all this nasty noggin business began I was a salesman and also a magician. I’m an Associate of the Inner Magic Circle and under doctors orders I’ve been trying to do something I enjoy once more. I chose magic. When I returned to my bag of tricks it would appear there are whole chunks of knowledge missing. I can perform only a handful of miracles. Not deterred by this I’m slowly starting to learn again with the hope that what I approach will stick in my brain. I’m also starting to perform. It takes an awful lot of brain power and energy to do it. It wipes me out for a couple of days after a show so I’ve limited myself to about once every couple of months. I’ll keep you posted as to how things go.

As I write, I am still waiting to hear from my consultant with news of my course of intravenous immunoglobulin. She has written to my GP advising that we are going ahead with it so that is a positive. When it happens is something altogether different. The good news is I’m still here with the ability to overthink everything. I’m also still extremely creative.

I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting a reoccurring headache over the last couple of weeks. I can only describe it as a feeling of pressure. At least that’s what it feels like. I’m also a bit wobbly on my pins. I’m sure I can put it down to the gradual reduction in my medication causing minor side effects, but it’s something worth mentioning to my GP when I go and see her.

Speak soon.



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